to change some behaviors, it is better to accept that his flaws will always be part of him. Most wives hate their husbands because they hurt or offend them. Also, yeah it totally sucks that MIL had a stroke but having compassion doesnt mean that LW has to subject herself or her children to abuse and unsanitary living conditions. He's not perfect but no one is. For my part, I simply cannot imagine living with either of my parents. I kept thinking what if you need to be taken care of someday by your husband? It does not have to be living with her. If they moved in with his mom because they were always planning to buy a house with her and care for her and a medical discharge just pushed everything to happen faster, that is more understandable. She probably should have figured this out sooner but she didnt. How come you suddenly dislike your husband or slowly hating my husband? She didnt know what she was signing up for. In essence, you can hate something or someone you love from time to time when things dont go your way. Its awesome even without him on the way But my mom and I are really freakishly close (think Gilmore girls) so were odd that way. by recognizing they are different from you through their opinions, experiences, and values. Learn how to date your spouse in marriage in this video clip: Indeed, you are lovers, but that doesnt take away the place of respect. 2. He needs to adequately defend their needs and manage boundaries. . You essentially resent your MIL for being elderly. Not true. If not and he wants her in the same home, how can you make it a better environment? Im really curious how this knife was pinned into place so much as to have potentially impaled her. Its a great setup but hard to get into, no? Theres a nicer way to present it. Yeah, this is pretty horrible. She definitely needs to be called on that. Why do I feel like I hate my husband? The harsh truth is that you have a vague and unrealistic idea of marriage. The MIL just cant be left to care for herself. His dad moved states, and they now have a strained relationship. honeybeenicki My apologies for my careless reading and commenting. Dear Wendy She always signed my birthday cards, but it wasnt legible because she couldnt write. 2. She was FAR nicer to me than LWs MIL is to her. He talks to his mom about it. And I would assume husband had an OK upbringing, hence the promise to always look after mother. There are ways to work this out without going crazy or ruining your marriage. She came into this house totally unaware of the current state of her MILs condition, was totally unprepared to handle it, and her husband seemingly isnt on board with making changes (ie he wants to buy another house eventually and keep on living together). LW, presumably your husband was fulfilling his promise sufficiently to take care of his mother before you all moved in with her so what steps can you take to get back to that status quo? Plus, she has unhealthy hygiene (like, she only bathes once a week and sometimes does not wash her hands before putting them in shared food like chips or shredded cheese), and she lets her dog, who stays cooped up in her room all day, use puppy pads that she keeps until either my husband and I complain about the smell. 6. Whether you choose to keep him with his new found spine, is up to you. We offend each other, but you will find it challenging to forgive someone who does it repeatedly and unapologetically. Well, you need to stop that. Many wives say, Sometimes I hate my husband. The reason is that their husband stopped paying attention to them. We made long-term goals together like engagement, marriage, kids, the whole 9. Hate is a strong word. Doing some of it yourself (ie: you know the dog potty pads are a problem, so be proactive and take care of it). And she is still getting a free place to live and wants to continue getting a free place to live and not move out right now, until she gets a job. When you hate your husband so much, the reason could be because. And some of your concerns being naked? RedRoverRedRover In my minds eye, she was, like jumping on the kitchen center island to demonstrate how to swim the butterfly or something. The issue isnt about hating your partner. However, its just for a short while. You. So I suppose I really not adding much to the conversation here, so I will just end there. I am also very sympathetic with the LW. Sorry, but is the MIL is that bad off, she belongs in a place where she can be looked after 24/7 and there senior citizen apartments that have such care that comes with them. Typical lovers arent just intimate with each other; they are also best friends. Wheres your compassion for that? If so, Id say you need to prioritize finding a job for yourself and making some money so that you can get your own place at some point. As a result, you begin to project your fears on your husband and marriage. Im absolutely not saying it would be okay for her to cut ties from the MIL when she and her husband are finally able to and leave her to fester without getting her proper care, but I totally can understand how the LW feels so panicked about the situation, and how she doesnt want to spend the rest of her life continuing to live in the same house as her MIL, as it seems her husband wants to. Someone just left it carelessly, is all, and the configuration of the kitchen meant you could come around the corner without seeing it. But how many people here have actually taken care of an ungrateful, belligerent, careless, angry (through no fault of their own) in-law for years on end? Even if youre overwhelmed and exhausted and hormonal and emotionally drained, the answer is still yeah, its wrong to abandon a loved one who needs care (especially when you no longer need anything from him/her) just because its inconvenient. Probably not the last. It sounds like the husband/son is dropping the ball and not fulfilling his promises to either party. Some women got attracted to their husbands because of their looks and physical attribute. But I do agree that the LW needs to reframe how she sees this. If your husband is not able to be the caretaker for both the mother and the kids, is there anyone else in the family who can help out? My parents neglected my emotional needs consistently in favour of my more challenging sister. Once the wife tables her grievances and apologizes, the couple goes right back to loving each other. My mother really really hates my husband, Mike*. Hey, drama queen, I think you dropped your tiara. Aubrey Ray Maybe this means finding a duplex so people can have their own space, or helping MIL downsize to a place that is far more manageable and she can afford a cleaner once or twice a week. However, dont dwell much on it. I told him two weeks ago I don't love him and I just can't stand him. June 18, 2015, 12:13 pm. My parents didnt and dont see what they were doing. I own a duplex with my mom (she lives on one side, we live on the other) and I think that will come in handy years down the road when she needs care but wants to keep her independence. I didn't care because we were 16 & I kept secrets from my parents too so who cares. Its a great solution and if you can find the entire building for sale, its actually often cheaper to purchase than a home that would provide you with the same amount of rooms. Some disadvantages, including bad habits, can become more noticeable and annoying by time. It is simply about being able to express your thoughts honestly and openly to your spouse. something random I agree with Wendy that caring for someone doesnt mean having to live with them and care for them yourself. It can pave the way for a better relationship. Somewhere along the way, this influenced you to have a dysfunctional view on relationships. Did they both come up for sale at the same time? What am I presuming about you exactly? They are dependent on him or her and should, and hopefully will, always be their parents' first priority. Or is he open to other ideas that wouldnt require your family live with her but instead using some of Wendys ideas? June 18, 2015, 10:57 am. Why does he even get an opinion?The conversation that needs to happen here is between the LW and the husband. She never lets him get discouraged. Of course its not a good idea to leave knives sitting out, especially with a child in the home but even if she ran right into the blade of a loose knife, it would have just slid over or gotten knocked off the counter. She is not to be left alone for a single second with the baby. I know what you mean, however that happens because of her tone in the letter. BLOG. Because if so, wasnt she stewing in her own filth then too? My story : . ChickenNugget That could have been her husband too, though. She could not function at home even with 24-hour help and supervision from her children. Not sure what youre talking about. If you and your husband stop talking about personal issues frequently, it may affect your feelings for him. That is for my DH to do since it is his mother. But I dont personally feel as much anger towards the letter writer as some of the other commenters. You might hate your husband when he does something you dont like. I read it too quickly the first time and thought you wrote Not that I think you have experienced instead of not that I think you have to have experienced It changed the whole tone. My mom gave me a teaspoon of sugar for hiccups, and I certainly did not have a sugar addiction, in fact, I didnt like overly sweet things or soda or icing when I was a kid. something random Why do I feel like I hate my husband? Maybe because he stopped making an effort to look great. My husband is wonderful but he seems to believe that since his mother is willing to pay part of the bills when we buy a house that she is needed. I think there is room for a grain of salt here in how we judge the LW. will crumble because living together often shows us their new traits. with yourself. I have hatred and resentment towards him (from previous issues.. no cheating just disrespect) and tonight I decided I was DONE. As for being totally unaware of the current state of her MILs condition before they moved in? But not wanting her anywhere near them ever doesnt seem like a good solution. But before all the commenters go on parade, I will say I can feel from where this letter writer is coming from. Im sure she *wants* to do those things, like take care of herself and clean her house, but she physically *cant*. For example, a clumsy husband scatters the room every chance he gets can create stress. It sounds like LW did not know what she was signing up for when they moved in. Last night I screamed in frustration and agony from the stupidity of the argument and the overwhelming hurt and loneliness of my feelings. I understand that you dont feel comfortable allowing her to care for your children. Same home, how can you make it a better relationship here is between LW! Honeybeenicki my apologies for my DH to do since it is simply about able... In the letter writer is coming from you need to be living with either of my challenging! 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Hate my husband all the commenters go on parade, I will say can! Chickennugget that could have been her husband too, though to loving each ;. Say, Sometimes I hate my husband for being totally unaware of the argument the!
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